It's time for...

[overkrill]

Texts From Last Night: Death City Edition!

In case you have never done so, how to play: ☠ Post with your character ☠ Either post with a TFLN or wait for someone to tag you with one ☠ Respond to people's texts or tag them with your own ☠ SHENANIGANS

Comments

[soulsutures]

The good news is if you're reading this then the surgery was a success despite high blood alcohol levels.

The bad news is I seem to be missing one of my scalpels.

[overkrill]

im gonna hafta fish it out then
so i can fuckin STAB YOU WITH IT

[dead_black_eyes]

Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."

[itaidakimasu]

Was this before or after you promised me a pizza to "pretend to be you" for the night?

[beatdownremix]

a little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? is it inside you?"

[overkrill]

that does it
were drinking til were pirates

[beatdownremix]

why pirates
why not ninjas
can we have two groups in on this
one that goes all pirate once trashed enough to put on the lame outfits
and the other ones dress up like ninjas and drink until they realize fighting pirates sounds like an awesome idea
then we can have pirates vs ninjas drunken battle royal

[shiromadoushi]

[1/2]

[00110010_00110011]

youre inside thermal hull???

[malandragem]

The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers

[snowman]

so it was a fun night?

[amorini]

I tore the muscle in my left calf @ the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!

[scribes]

I am sincerely impressed. Just. How?

[brainius]

I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time

[amorini]

I guess that could work but r u sure it won't break or something?

[heavenly_earth]

I didn't mean to spy on her, she just wasn't wearing any clothes

[amorini]

but why were you looking to begin with?
that's the REAL question here

[want_the_world]

I crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, I went out with a bang.

[diedforyoursins]

In a very literal sense, yes. Is Near alright?

[00110010_00110011]

hiidiing iin a cabiinet
gooing to stay here

[scribes]

Okay.

Hiding from what exactly?

this one was in all caps. it called to me.

[redregrets]

YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!

[beatdownremix]

there was a might there
if i was actually dead then i woudlnt have been able to call

[fujigglephysics]

I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.

[imnosuperman]

Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.

[feelsgoodinyou]

Did they find it?

[scribes]

Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelorette party.

[amorini]

in my defense I didn't know that was illegal in this part of the country

[timelessummoner]

I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.

[amorini]

did you 'ohm' and then drink or drink and then 'ohm'?

[feelsgoodinyou]

Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.



(Alt: It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that.)

[imnosuperman]

huh

didn't think you would be a bunny person

[diedforyoursins]

She "accidentally" hit me with her car. It is almost as if she knows I am fucking her boyfriend.

[amorini]

I'd say you deserve it but I think bringing heavy machinery into it crosses a certain line

[snowman]

she told me she was eating frosting, then i got the weirdest boner ever

[amorini]

uh... Jack?

[morecowbell]

So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.

[diedforyoursins]

Somehow I am not surprised.

[itaidakimasu]

So my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when I had no gag reflex. Yeah, he just judged me.

[ferroustigmata]

there are plenty of reasons for someone to not have a gag reflex

[ferroustigmata]

this is a mass text
do you have one or more of my jackets

[amorini]

I am pretty sure
that I made it home with no less than three
and I'm not even the one who won the contest

[cardfortress]

Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

[itaidakimasu]

You texted me last night saying that we were going to open a lego bakery.

[perceptiveness]

Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...

[soundsoul]

I think we need to stage an intervention now.

[soundsoul]

what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?

[perceptiveness]

...Are you still drunk, cause you sent this to the wrong person